An attachment

I can’t believe time has pasted so quickly.It will be 9 years in August and time keeps moving.It was recently brought to my attention that the famous 24 ,Milani .That I’ve always had such a huge attachment to.As I sat in the room I thought but I have been attached to him so heavily.He was always bad news but the bad news I was always attracted many things about him were vividly attracting.I don’t know if it was what he represented in my life or what he ment however I knew I wanted him forever.Since I met him that warm August day back in 2009 I knew in my heart he was the guy of my dreams and our first day date was amazing.I was a naive kid and I was in awww I remember telling my friends I had met mr amazing.Relationships came and went and I still saw him standing tall .Over the years I became stronger at his manipulation but I couldn’t help but still feel the want of knowing him more.He was just so damm interesting and painful.I remember the last time I seen him as he caused me pain verbally hurting me and calling me crazy.I knew he was bad I knew he could be good but he felt powerful thinking he could control me.I saw this and I fought it I continue to fight the attachment what did he represent he’s toxic I know he’s not the love of my life but for a longtime he felt like that.He scared me for life but I’m healing from those deep wounds,I guess that’s why I feel guilty because I loved him and believed him spite him hurting me since he met me.When he said he didn’t mean to then telling me he loved me and the next second calling me a crazy.I remember one night him telling me I’d rather hurt you first before you can hurt me.For long time I felt I was special because he would always come back always find me always want me.Yet I still remember his cold words when things wouldn’t go his way “bye take care” and a month later the hey are you in town text would come thru?.I never understood it I thought maybe he had an attachment towards me.I thought our conversations were special he made me feel grownup which in other relationships that feeling lacked. I would fall for him each time he would forcibly kiss me and keeps his hard stare at me.I refused his kisses because they weren’t real not like how I would kiss him .

Many times over the years I go years and months without seeing him to feel empty each encounter and after each encounter a fight or a threat.Now he’s direct plays the same games but now it’s more cold .I can’t say it’s been a while since I seen him but now I see him around town and that’s no picnic his never alone so I can’t say anything oh this attachment of him to thee .

He’s out of mind out of sight but now I trying to figure out what’s the attachment.Why? I feel strongly about them.But no want no desire just trying to go pass the pain this once ached every part of my soul.

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