Alone

I’ve felt alone and I don’t like it I’ve felt the need to cry in someone’s arms but I know that’s not gonna fix nothing.Ive thought of my ex and how sometimes I wish things were okay but there not.I feel betrayed and angry and I’m working on it but I’ve gotten tired of constantly feeling like one I’m distracting myself or being okay.

I seen my ex’s friend the other day and he made me feel like he was hiding from me or avoiding which was odd.It made me feel like he felt bad for me.Lately I’ve very attached to social media and feeling like I need to constantly be thinking about what’s next.I don’t wanna live my life feeling that way thinking of what’s next or constantly feeling like where I’m at is not where I wanna be. I’ve felt sad and I’ve wanted to cry hard and ball but I can’t .Ive felt unbalanced everywhere. I just found an ex from 9yrs ago is getting married by now I’d. Be way over it but this ex always weaved his way in and out my life.I knew he was getting married but seeming all come out angers me.My relationship with him has always been hostile .I sit in bed fearful afraid and scared and clueless I’m floating I’m scared I need a hug and it’s in those moments that I miss my ex and as horrible as it sounds sometimes he was just a blanket someone that held on to.someone I knew would comfort me and tell things would be okay I have that through other outlets however doesn’t fill that campionship I had with him it just doesn’t.And no I don’t need a dog nor a rebound before because I’m looking for something real.But as time moves I feel stuck and forever alone like man maybe something wrong with me or I lost the one or the only one that could love me.Im bitter angry jealous and not happy but scared .I need to meditate because I get frustrated when I feel not the greatest I feel that I’m pretending like I’m over it I’m better but I’m not over it

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